Nathan got his first stitches ever - two on the top of his head due to a scratch bestowed by a sharp wired fence. He was so scared, but so brave. He endured quite a bit of blood and at least 4 shots to his head to numb him before the needle and thread. My poor boy....but so dang cute! The MD totally went overboard with the head bandage so I had to take a shot with my phone. Anything to do with the head ties my stomach into knots, but I, too, had to be brave for my little guy. Doesn't he look so SAD???

The word "loss" has been swirling in my head, heart, and life, but I always felt like that didn't quite hit the nail on the head. I realize now, that it's not so much the loss, but the presence of his absence.

Last Saturday, at the church Governing Board retreat, there were so many moments when I felt the presence of Johnathan's absence. He was such a great leader and servant. We talked about instituting Elders and Deacons in the church and I couldn't help but think that Johnathan would have been a wonderful Elder. I kept thinking, “Pastor Denny would have loved Johnathan and his vision and humility.” This is what occurs to me most of the time. It’s not so much that the memories are things of the past and I've "lost" my soul mate. It’s more that I’m totally aware of him not being here with me in the moment. Today and in the days to come. The presence of his absence.

C H R I S T M A S       2 0 0 8

Name: Nathan Sim     Age: 7.1     Grade: 1^st

School: Eastside Christian    Church: LFCC     Hobbies: Drawing & more drawing

School: Eastside Christian    Church: “I love teacher Kelly!”  Hobbies: Dancing & singing

Name: Kelly Sim        Age: Fohgettaboudit        Grade: Prime – has abundant marbling

Work: Casey – going on 11 years!     Church: Joined Governing Board this year      Hobbies: Does organizing count?

Nathan’s Aspirations: Zoo Keeper, Paleontologist, or Inventor (He’s completely torn about this monumental decision at this point.)

Natalie’s Aspirations: Dentist (Hasn’t changed in 2 years. I’m pretty sure this is my mom’s doing.)

Kelly’s Aspirations: Fly to Pluto, walk on water, grow 5 inches, be a good mom, and other impossible things like that

Nathan’s Notable Moment: He loves to illustrate and write his own stories about dinos and all kinds of animals, proudly displaying his spelling-challenged 1^st grader know-how’s. He drew a brontosaurus that acts like a vacuum and sucks up all the toys on the ground. He captioned this with, “A motha would be VERY pleased” and slapped a $20 label on it. Another one claiming, “A mother would never have to drive,” showed a dino inhaling people and spitting them out at their requested destination. That’s my boy!

Natalie’s Notable Moment: In another universe, there’s a little girl singing her lungs out and dancing with sweat dripping down her face. She is our pink princess, our rock star, the source of much of the laughter in our lives. She has a certain independence that you won’t see when I’m around, but shows up when she has to be in charge of herself. As she says, “Grandma’s the boss of you, you’re the boss of Oppa (Nathan), Oppa’s the boss of me, and I’m the boss of no one. Actually, just myself.” Smart girl.

Kelly’s Notable Moment: I did my own taxes for the first time in my life. I consider this one of my proudest accomplishments for which I deserve a vacation to the Whistler slopes, soaking in Harrison Hot Springs, and seeing Shamu. Check. We did that courtesy of the $1.25 I got from my tax refund and the federal stimulus package. I must have done something right with my taxes.

We've managed to avoid going to our church the last two Father's Days. We would attend my father-in-law's church to make it seem as though we were there purely for his benefit, but secretly, I had another motive - to spare my children all the Father's Day related things that might happen at our church. If they go to a Korean-speaking church for that day, they can easily escape the reminder that we get to celebrate "Grandfather's Day" instead. Well, my in-laws' church pastor continues to try and get me to come to his church all the way in Tacoma to simlutaneously interpret his messages for the few English speaking congregation members and after having done about a month's worth last summer, he wants me back this summer - permanently. Needless to say, I didn't want to be in the position of having to turn him down (again) so I decided that going to my church was the lesser of two evils. (That's awful to say, I know!)

As suspected, a Father's Day message for the children (as it should be). Towards the end of the message, our pastor said, "Look around (the room) for your dads." I gulped at this point. About 5 seconds later, Natalie says to me quietly, "But I don't even have a dad." I had to muster up all I could to hold back my tears. Thankfully, we went into prayer right afterwards so I held her tight and I let my tears flow. It breaks my heart that we have to go to the cemetary to say, "Happy Father's Day" to their dad. It sucks that my kids are the only ones in their classes that have to make things for their grandpa instead of their dad. This day stinks.